Do we really need another book about time management? Probably not, but this one stands out as it faces up to a starker reality by stating that, for we mere mortals, it is only by “consciously confronting the certainty of death [….] that we finally become truly present in our lives.”
Four thousand weeks refers to our allotted time on earth if we are fortunate enough to live to the age of 80. For many, the lifespan will be less, for some it will be more but for all of us it will be brief.
Oliver Burkeman doesn’t attempt to sweeten the pill and sums up existence with uncompromising bluntness: “Life is nothing but a succession of present moments, culminating in death.” Furthermore, he argues that, when push comes to shove, “what you do with your life doesn’t matter all that much.”
There is nothing that you desire that you cannot achieve.
It’s a nice thought, isn’t it? Why can’t we all be as happy as Doris Day?
According to ‘inspirational’ speaker, and author Esther Hicks, all that is necessary to reach your goals is that you control your thoughts and channel your energy in the correct way. This means eliminating negative ways of thinking and choosing to embrace positivity. I am simplifying of course, but this is the upshot of the highly lucrative series of books, films, essays and lectures that she and her late husband, Jerry, have unleashed on the world with the holy grail being the achievement of a “wonderful, happy, productive Life Experience.”
The underpinning message that comes with this territory is the observation that there are many who unconsciously create the conditions that make the achievement of lifestyle improvements impossible. The essence of what Hicks calls ‘The Law of Attraction’, is that we have been conditioned to distrust positive affirmations and pre-programmed to make do and mend rather than create.
Health, wealth and wisdom are probably three of the most obvious, and widely sought after, desires. Many idly fantasise of developing a magnetic personality to the point that intelligent, sexy and inspirational people will automatically be attracted to you. You can therefore fully comprehend why anyone who offers the promise of such a transformation will gain huge numbers of eager followers keen to discover the magic formula. Implicit in this philosophy is the, not unreasonable, assumption that everyone on the planet craves more power and control over their own lives.
The fundamental, and inconvenient, ‘truth’ Hicks shares for a price is that by sending out negative vibrations into the universe you inevitably attract negativity. By this token, our minds must be rewired toward the attainable contrary wherein, as The Beatles sang: “And in the end /The love you take / Is equal to the love you make”.
This all has a familiar ring to it. In 1952, Norman Vincent Peale wrote in ‘The Power of Positive Thinking’ : “When you expect the best to happen you create positive vibes, which affect your mindset, your environment, and the people around you.” Put this way, it sounds simple and logical to effect meaningful change. But the fact that self-help books stating countless variations of this same message continue to top the bestseller lists is an indication that the path to happiness and success is a long and winding one.
Can complex problems really be solved by this kind of attitude shift? If a hundred people apply for a prestigious job, the successful candidate is going to feel pretty great but what about the 99 who miss out? Are they losers? Studies have found that while positive psychology can help some people achieve happiness, it can be harmful to others, leading to feelings of failure and depression.
The term “positive psychology” first appeared in Abraham Maslow’s 1954 book ‘Motivation and Personality’ and has been popularized by Martin E.P. Seligman who runs the University of Pennsylvania’s Positive Psychology Center.
As an antidote to this relentless embrace of feel good values, Julie Norem, a psychology professor at Wellesley College, argues that people respond better to negativity, an attitude she snappily calls “defensive pessimism.” She has written in terms of “harnessing anxiety as motivation.”
Although I don’t like gloomy people, I can definitely relate more to Norem than Seligman. I have always subscribed to the definition of a pessimist as a disillusioned optimist. I feel more in tune with people who don’t feel the need to put on a brave face all the time. I can never subscribe to formulas which amount to little more than versions of the banal mantra ‘smile and the world smiles with you’. Try this method while travelling on the London Underground and see how true it is. And how is this supposed to help when we’re wearing masks to protect us from Covid-19?
The hard truth is that narcissistic ego-driven individuals are the ones who are more likely to get ahead. Most role models suggest that it is not only cheery types with good haircuts who succeed in life. Ruthless tyrants gain power through corruption, lies and even murder. The law of the jungle is that good guys (and girls) very often finish last.
In saying all this, I am willing to accept that excessive pessimism or misplaced negativity is no way to achieve a lightness of being. If you are ill-equipped to ever look on the bright side and, by some chance, things begin to go your way, you will not be mentally prepared to take of advantage of the opportunities. Say, for example, you receive an unexpected windfall. If you are not open to this good fortune, you look for ways to explain this event as a mistake rather than receiving this with joy, you will feel undeserving and even guilty. Surely the money was meant for someone else.
Luck is often simply a question of identifying and seizing opportunities when they arise. If your mind isn’t open to such possibilities it has no means of taking advantage of them.
Ultimately, it’s all about getting the balance right. There’s plenty to be angry, depressed and pessimistic about. We don’t have to be positive all the time nor should we feel we have to be. This message may not be so sexy or sell so many books but that doesn’t make it less true. We can’t all be shiny, happy people like Doris Day.
The young son of a friend of mine is experimenting with meditation in order to cope with the kind of anxiety people of all ages are suffering from right now.
While applauding this practical attempt to his improve mental wellbeing, my friend also expressed some irritation. “He does his practice so conspicuously”, he said, “So you could be traveling on a bus or train with him and suddenly realize that he is physically present but mentally elsewhere.”
The image of his son entering into a higher plain in a public space made me laugh and inspired me to write the following poem:
The Old Ways by Robert MacFarlane (Penguin Books, 2013)
The Old Weird Albion by Justin Hopper (Penned In The Margins,2017)
If Robert MacFarlane were to say “I’m just poppng out for a walk”, chances are you wouldn’t see him again for days, weeks, even months. Not for him a gentle stroll in the park. We’re talking serious trekking here. He tells us nothing about the equipment or supplies he takes with him, but it’s plain that he sets off prepared to sleep rough and scavenge for food if necessary.
Being fully immersed in the natural world is what drives him and gives him sustenance. In ‘The Old Ways’ the writer wanders around England and Scotland and also roams abroad (Palestine,Spain and Tibet). Some of these adventures border on the reckless as he challenges himself against the elements or strikes out onto what he knows full well to be inhospitable terrain. MacFarlane regards “walking as enabling sight and thought rather than encouraging retreat and escape”. In other words, it’s a serious business and not just a gentle recreational pursuit. Continue reading →
Why We Sleep: the New Science of Sleep and Dreams by Matthew Walker(Penguin Books, 2018)
This might just be the perfect book for the bedside table if the contents were not so damned scary.
The list of what lack of sleep causes is vast and should be a concern for those who, up to now, have regarded the daily hours of shut-eye as a waste of time.
The facts and discoveries from decades of scientific research prove that sleeping makes you healthier, wealthier and wiser. It can also make you more attractive and slimmer.
“Sleep fixes what is upset by wake” states Walker. As director of University College Berkeley’s Sleep and Neuroimaging Lab, the results of his long research carry a genuine authority. The title of the book is not framed as a question (Why do we sleep?) since the science gives us the answers. Ignore the findings at your peril.
If Robert MacFarlane were to say “I’m just poppng out for a walk”, chances are you wouldn’t see him again for days, weeks, even months. Not for him a gentle stroll in the park. We’re talking serious trekking here. He tells us nothing about the equipment or supplies he takes with him, but it’s plain that he sets off prepared to sleep rough and scavenge for food if necessary.
