Despite appearances to the contrary, this mother is a monster.

There’s always a morbid fascination about extreme behaviour whether it be in sport, diet, drugs or, in the case of Tiger Mom, parenting.

Since yesterday was designated as mother’s day in Italy there was a newspaper article about Amy Chua, whose book ‘Battle Hymn For The Tiger Mother’ has provoked such a heated reaction, particularly in the USA (always good for sales!).

This book sets out the theory and practice of the upbringing methods she imposed on her daughters Sophia and Louisa.

In raising her children ‘the Chinese way’, sleepovers, Facebook, TV, video games are just some of the items on her banned list and her two kids must achieve top grades in all subjects (apart from drama or gym) or face the wrath of the tiger.

In defending herself, Chua says that there are plenty of immigrant mothers who are appalled by the liberal upbringing they see American kids enjoying because of what she regards as weak-willed Western parents.

The normal parenting practice as punishment for misbehaviour or under achievement is to withdraw something your children like doing. This is not an option for Tiger Mom as she has already denied  her kids any pleasurable activities.

Chua says she is motivated by feelings of love and that her kids will thank her  in later life . The way she tells it, all she is doing is following the principle of being cruel to be kind.  “Nothing is fun until you’re good at it”  she argues.

It has to be admitted that her strategy is one that ,in many cases ,will be effective, although the child has a higher than average chance of being psychologically traumatized in the process.

Her inflexible programme throws up serious questions about the limits of parental authority. “Chinese parents believe their kids owe them everything” she writes to justify the severity of her methods and for treating them as vessels to be filled .

I would strongly argue that her practice of denying all the normal avenues for her children to interact with her their peers is little short of child abuse.  The only friends her daughters are likely to make is with others who have endured a similarly strict upbringing.

Parenting often feels like you are living in a war zone but that is no excuse for a battle strategy that celebrates ruthless dictators.

In 1947 , Sydney Cox wrote in book  called ‘Indirections For Those Who Want To Write’. In the context of Chau’s philosophy and book, this quote seems especially pertinent :  “If security, high grades, reputation, a sure job, doing what is expected, avoiding trouble, or safety in any form becomes your most effectual desire, then you will accept discipline of the compromise variety…… soon you cease growing….. your imagination will quietly atrophy” .

If this is the future you want for your kids then, by all means follow Tiger Mom’s advice. Me? I’ll take my chances as a wishy-washy parent who would rather see his kid as a happy, flawed human being than a frustrated, ‘perfect’ robot.

Related links:

Tiger Moms: Is Tough Parenting Really the Answer? (Time Magazine)
Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior by Amy Chua (Wall Street Journal)
“I’m going to take all your stuffed animals and burn them!” (Guardian.co.uk)